Sunday, May 4, 2008

The Mormon Schedule

Before you are even born, if you are born into a Mormon family, your life has already been planned out for you.
  • When you are an infant, you will receive a blessing.
  • When you are eight years old, you will be baptized.
  • When you are nineteen, you will go on a two-year mission.
  • As soon as you return from your mission, you will immediately find your eternal companion.
  • You will start pumping out children as fast as you are physically able.
  • (Somewhere in here, if you're lucky, you will get an education; but that is secondary in the lords eyes. Your number one priority is to pump out those LDS babies.)
  • You will teach your children all about the church.
  • You endure to the end.
  • You die.
Just follow the schedule and obey the 101 commandments and your salvation is guaranteed.

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