More Abuse From My "Trainer"

For those who might not know, your first companion in the mission field is called your trainer. But I didn't learn anything about actual missionary work from the guy. All he knew was control and manipulation.

I decided that I would go ahead and share more horror stories from my "trainer". After putting up with abuse and manipulation from this jerk all day, once we were both in bed he would say, "Good night. Love you."

If I didn't respond, he would repeat it again and again until I would say it back. If I would say, "Good night" then he would ask, "Don't you love me?"

First of all, if the jerk really loved me, then wouldn't he respect my desire to not be manipulated every night into saying, "I love you" to a guy I was quickly growing to very much resent?

Not only that, but how many guys do you know who go around saying "I love you" to each other? Most normal males just don't say it, even though they do care for each other.

We had a car in my first area and one of the rules was that whenever we had to drive in reverse, the non-driver had to get out of the car and "guide" the driver. This backing rule quickly got on my nerves.

Elder Dickhead even made up some of his own driving rules. He adamantly refused to drive with anything on the dashboard. I used to put stuff there just to annoy him.

Oh yea, on top of the three million prayers a day that missionaries have to say, we also had to pray for safety before using the car. Thinking back, why would we have to pray for safety? Wouldn't god want his missionaries to be safe anyway? Would he make us wreck just because we hadn't asked for safety? Anyway, like all the rules, he took this one to the extreme as well.

We were driving and for some reason which I now forget, we needed to pull over. When we were about to drive again, he wanted to say another prayer for safety? When I told him it was not necessary, he insisted, stating that each time you start the engine, you need to pray. He probably asked me to do it, just because I didn't want to.

I can't even tell you how many times, while driving, that pervert would put his hand on my knee. I don't know why. I would push his hand away and tell him to stop it. He would promise me that he would never do it again. However, like all the ways he could, he would show his disrespect for me by breaking that promise. I finally put an end to it by whacking his hand good and hard with the oil container on my keychain. He never did it again after that.

I hated his fake personality. When we were around other people, he was Mr. Happy, Cheerful, Life-Is-Great. But in real life, he was a manipulating jerk. I would watch him switch between personalities and just shake my head.

When we were visiting with members, he would often want to sing to them. I thought it was cheesy as hell. He would always ask me to sing with him, so I reluctantly did. One time, in private, I told him that I was not comfortable singing in front of people and asked that he not ask me to sing anymore.

Well, very next chance he got, he offered to sing and asked me if I would sing with him right in front of everyone. I knew he hadn't forgotten... he just didn't give a shit about anything I requested. I guess he figured that he could manipulate me because I wouldn't dare say no in front of everyone. Wrong!

I told him point blank that I didn't want to sing and that I had already asked him not to ask me. Embarrased, he sang his song alone. He never asked me to sing after that.

Talking about singing, he would constantly sing. All over the apartment he would just blare it out! He though he was such a good singer and yet he was off tune and sounded horrible. He would sing mission-approved tunes, but would often make up his own lyrics to go along with them. To say the least, they weren't funny, didn't make sense, and were often quite stupid.

If I was in the shower and happened to be humming a popular piece of classical music, he would knock on the door and "remind" me that it was not a hymn and therefore was not appropriate music for missionaries.

I hope by now that you are starting to see how living with this guy literally felt like wearing a necklace made of bricks. When I tell you that he was constantly in my face for breaking some rule, it was usually something majorly stupid like humming a classical piece of music.

One time, I checked the mail box....... alone! He almost had a fucking freak attack! Missionaries are to never be alone and like all the other rules, he took it to the extreme. He actually had to walk to the mailbox with me, which was just outside our apartment door in a common entry way. I mean, what the fuck? Do you really think that in the 30 seconds it takes to check the mail that I'm going to sneak away and commit the most horrible sins that I can think of?

To be perfectly honest, the guy really wasn't that smart and if you haven't figured it out by now, he needed someone else to do his "thinking" for him. I didn't and that meant that we didn't get along.

I never understood his or the churches logic. You see, in order to be a missionary, you have to keep yourself worthy. Well, I was alone with girls and nothing ever happened. I have this little thing called self control. So I never understood why once you were on a mission they felt the need to babysit me every second. If I had exercised self control before my mission, what makes them think that suddenly, it all went away and I would turn into a sinning freak?

What were they so afraid of that they felt they needed to watch me 24/7? I really used to wonder. Why are they so afraid that if you give a missionary 3 seconds alone with a girl that he will screw her brains out as soon as no one is looking? I figured out the answer later... because most of them would have.

So if that is the case, why does the church constantly praise the missionaries for how valiant they are? I could see some pretty obvious flaws in the system. Remember that saying Mormons love to quote, "The church is perfect but the members aren't." Well, this "perfect" church was starting to have some pretty major flaws. And the biggest (at the time) was the obvious lack of inspiration in the mission field.

I guess I should thank the guy. He opened my eyes to what Mormonism is really all about.