For God So Loved the World...

I've put a thought of mine on the side bar:

"For god was such a cowardly chicken shit, that he had to send someone else to do the hard stuff."

This is, of course, making a mockery of John 3:16 that Christians and billboard everywhere love to quote:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

For a long time, I've had a problem with this statement.

WTF, God, you loved the world...

...when you drowned them all?

I don't understand this god at all. One minute he's drowning everybody; the next minute he loves them so much that he sent his son.

He sent his son? Why didn't the chicken shit go himself? I can just see how this conversation might have played out...

God: "Jesus! Come here a minute. I need to speak with you."

Jesus: "Wazzup?"

God: "I've got this really important thing for you to do."

Jesus: "Cool, what is it?"

God: "Well, um, uhh, how do I say it? I need you to go to earth."

Jesus: "No problem, pop."

God: "Well, there's more. I need you to uh... I need you to... die."

Jesus: "WTF, dad. No way, send someone else."

God: "The only way the plan will work is if someone is a willing sacrifice."

Jesus: "That's just fucked up! Why me? It's your plan; why don't you do it?"

God: "Do it for all your spiritual brothers and sisters who will go to to hell if you don't."

Jesus: "Is that part of your plan too? You create hell and then throw everyone in who doesn't kiss your ass?"

God: "You'll be in hell too if you don't do what I tell you."

Jesus: "Is that seriously the best plan you have?"

God: "That's it!"

Jesus: "This really fucking sucks. So, all I have to do is die?"

God: "Actually, no. You need to suffer a whole ton, get your ass whipped, and then die!"

Jesus: "Are you fucking serious? Your great plan to save everyone is to have your favorite son brutally whipped and murdered?"

God: "Can you think of something better?"

Jesus: "Hell yea, I can! How about we send them to earth and then judge them based upon the..."

God: "That's enough. I've already put too much into this plan to trash it and start over now."

Jesus: "So, die or go to hell. Those are my choices."

God: "You got it."

Jesus: "Fine, I'll go, but I want in... 50 - 50."

God: "What?"

Jesus: "I want to be a god too, or no deal."

God: "Fine."

Jesus: "I still don't understand why you don't just go yourself."

God: "Because it is really, really going to suck."

Jesus, muttering to himself: "I don't know why this jackass can't come up with something a little less barbaric. He's an all knowing god and all he can really do is just slaughter people."

God: "What was that?"

Jesus: "Nothing, pop. I'm going to go and pack."