Fond Memories of the Good Ol' TBM Days

I was thinking today about some of the memories I have of attending church so I decided to put together a random list of things I remember.

One guy would always bring a TON of crap to church with him every Sunday. On top of his scriptures, he would have four large bags. One on each shoulder and one in each hand. I always wondered why he needed to bring so much junk to church.

One of the things that always bugged me were scripture readers... you know, the ones that sit there in sacrament meeting and read their scriptures. If you're going to read your scriptures in church, you might as well stay home and read. But it's all about appearance: following the commandments in plain sight where everyone can see you.

There was a certain family that, no matter what time sacrament meeting started, they would always walk in half way through the opening song. They were NEVER on time and I thought it was strange because they were the wards "golden family", meaning that they are the best known for their booming testimonies.

I was sitting in the clerk's office counting tithing one day when a member of the ward walked in. I don't remember what he needed. What I do remember is that he was giving his word about something and pulled out his temple recommend to prove that he was being truthful. I laughed inside because it was so dumb. Even then, I realized that a person could easily lie to get their recommend!

I remember old men arguing in gospel doctrine class.

I remember sitting in elders quorum getting grilled to death every week because our home teaching numbers were very low.

I remember being extended yet another calling and reluctantly accepting it because you never say "no" to Jesus.

Being a clerk to the bishop, I was privy to some confidential information. Once, during fast and testimony meeting, a young man who had been disfellowshipped tried to go to the podium and share a remark. The bishop, quickly cut him off before he could get up and ended the meeting. Apparently, disfellowshipped people are not allowed to participate in testimonies, prayers, etc. I knew why the bishop had cut him off, but no body else did.

In priesthood meeting, before the group breaks up for their different classes, the bishop told everyone in the room to stand up. Once everyone was standing, he then instructed everyone with a temple recommend to sit down. Those left standing had no recommend and were being publically humiliated. Even as a TBM, that really pissed me off.

I remember one ward activity at a local park. One of the young women wore a white shirt and somehow got all wet. She was running around giving the entire ward a clear view of her large, bouncy headlights.

In testimony meeting, a young man got up and started talking about lots of controversial stuff. While the bishop did not get up and stop him, he did turn off the microphone so that no one could hear what he was saying.

A friend of mine in the ward was divorced from a woman in the ward. He told me that the reason they got married was because they were caught by her daughter "doing it". To justify what they were doing, they told the daughter that they were engaged. Knowing that, I always found it funny when the woman would get up and pretend to be all righteous. I knew what she had been up to!

Anyone else have any fond or funny memories that they'd like to share?