Thursday, March 17, 2011

Nephi's Quest: Get the Brass Plates

I found this game of Nephi in Jerusalem. You have already attempted to buy the brass plates and must now get to Laban and dispose of him.

Yes, when you get to Laban, you actually hack him to death and then wash the blood off of his clothing before putting them on.

Note: the game does have an option in the beginning where you can turn off the gore.

And believe it or not, most of the people who played this game liked it, according to the comment section. Yes, let your kids hack off Labans head. Hey, it's all in the name of righteousness, so it must be okay. Bloody violence is just fine as long as it's in the scriptures. It must be important to us in our day or else the ancient prophets would not have put it in there.

UPDATE: I figured I'd throw in a quick walkthrough. It's a rather simple and short game.

You'll find yourself standing by a hotdog stand. Take a free hotdog sample. Talk to the stand owner and you'll find out that he's out of toppings. If you get him some new toppings, he will give you a bottle of wine.

Walk into town. You are outside a bar with a camel. Enter the bar. There is a young man at the table. He's a little strange. He has written a poem for his camel, which he will gladly read to you. After he reads it, ask him if you can have it. He will say no. Offer him a challenge. You will play a dreidel game. He cheats and you lose. Challenge him to a rematch. In order to win, you must punch his hand so that he can't hit the table. Hit the table to make the dreidel bounce to your symbol. (If you lose several times, don't sweat it. You can re-match until you win.) You got the poem. Walk over to the bartender and take a free pretzel. Exit the bar.

Head up the street to the fountain. You will find a young girl who will settle for any man she can get her hands on. (This is an inside joke. The fountain is the Provo Temple and the girl is a BYU student. That explains her desperate longing for a man.) After some small talk, share the poem with the girl. She will give you her ankle bracelet and then run off to find her dream man.

Head back to the bar but go into the alley. You will see a "Hobo". None of the chatter is really necessary. Offer the hotdog and he will give you an ashtray. Ofter him the pretzel and he will give you a butter knife. Walk to the right and you will see a small boy trying to get his cat out of the tree. Lure the cat with the ankle bracelet from the girl. The boy will take the cats collar and run off, leaving you with the cat. Head back to the bar.

If you engaged in small talk with the odd boy in the bar, you found out that his camel is afraid of cats. Scare the camel with the cat and watch the interesting scene. After it is done, pick up the glowing goo on the ground with the butter knife. Enter the bar and you will see the dreidel on the table. Take it. Now go up the stairs. Enter the door at the top of the stairs. You will be on a balcany. Take the towel. Go back down and go outside. Head down the street.

You will see a wierd box with a man-eating flower on top. Click on the box and Nephi will pop it like Mario. Put the butter knife with the glowing goo on the box. You will get a mushroom. Place the mushroom in the ashtray. Use the dreidel on the mushroom. You now have mushroom paste. Return to the hotdog stand and give the paste to the guy. As promised, he will give you wine.

Head back to the mushroom box and walk past it to go to Labans house. Just then, a wierd storm makes a river of mud, blocking your way. How can you get past it? Put down the towel. Cross the river and approach the guard. Give him the wine. He will drink it and pass out. You may proceed.

As you walk through the gate, you notice an arm sticking out from under a bush. Enter the bushes and you have found Laban. He is passed out. Pick up his sword. Click the sword on Laban. A short scene will reveal Nephi being told by god to kill Laban. Now begins the fun! (Notice the demented look in Nephi's eyes)

Hit the slash button until you get the green line to stop in the "kill zone". If you miss, fingers, bones, eyeballs, and blood will go splattering everywhere. (You will miss a lot! Just keep trying.) When you finally get the "kill" you'll need to clean Labans clothes. Return to the fountain and wash them. When you have the clothes on, return to Labans house. You'll need to get past the security system. Use the sword of Laban on the lazers.

Walk up to the house and knock on the door. Zoram will take you to the plates room. Here you have several choices: plates of bass, plates of gas, plates of grass, plates of ash, plates of glass, plates of cash, etc. Pick the plates of BRASS (too bad there were no plates of ass) and watch the ending scene.

It is interesting to note that Nephi, who is the epitomy of righteousness, has to do several dishonest and unrighteous things in order to win this game: He must gamble. He must cheat at the dreidel game. He must lie to the girl. He must steal the towel. He must lie to the guard and get him drunk. He must steal Laban's sword and clothes. He must hack off Laban head. He must vandalize Laban's security system. He must impersonate Laban. He must trespass. He must steal the Brass Plates.

When I was a TBM, Nephi was my favorite Book of Mormon character, hands down. Now, I'm not so sure.


Exhalted Outcast said...

Soon as that game is available for the 360, I am for SURE going to get it... Wait, no I won't. I don't mind violence in video games, I just think a game that tells kids it's ok to chop of someones head if they have something YOU want is not a cool thing. You have too many kids play that and next thing you know, on the news will be this kid who was arrested for chopping the head off his little brother for taking too many Legos.

Heather B said...

Nice and violent, just like the LDS like it.

They also like lots of woman, so there needs to be a game (I'm thinking along the lines of Farmtown on FB) where a man can marry as many wives as he can, build a compound, have babies and steal other mans wives for extra points.

Just a thought....

Andy said...

Is there a tweet button on the blog? Maybe I missed it, but this is so wacky (I've never been a Mormon) it needs to be shared.

Mormon411 said...

I don't mind violence in games either, EXCEPT that this is scripture. This is what millions of people believe is literally true. If you are on a quest for god, apparently it is okay to do ANYTHING you want to get it. That is not cool and not okay.

Heather, I can just see it... "Big Love" the video game. LOL

Andy, unfortunately I've never gotten into the twitter thing. I don't even know how it works. I signed up for it, but have never used it. Sorry.

WickedTwin said...

I really thought you were making this whole thing up. I thought you were being funny adding in the cheating, lying and bribery (with WINE no less!).

Then I got to the end. Not only is it wrong for the reasons you mentioned, it is just a very strange game.

Also, you can add share buttons on the bottom of your blog posts, where people can email, tweet, I think google buzz, Facebook, and one other thing. They just click the button, you don't have to have a Twitter or anything.

Go into design and click "edit" in the lower right corner of the "blog posts" box if you want to add them and make it easier for people to share.

Mormon411 said...

Thanks for the tip. I got it turned on!

Andy said...

It took me a while to get into twitter, but it did assist in getting my blog more exposure.