I'm always stating (sarcastically) that Mormonism has 101 (or maybe more like 1001) commandments that must be obeyed to get into heaven. I decided that I would sit down and see if I can't actually come up with 101 different demands and expectations that Mormonism so kindly provides for it's members. This does not include beliefs, but only "to do" or "not to do". So without further adu, here goes:
1. Pay a full tithing
2. Do your home teaching or visiting teaching
3. Go to church every sunday
4. Fulfill your callings
5. Read the scriptures, especially the Book of Mormon
6. Pray morning, noon, and night; personal and family
7a. Boys, serve a mission
7b. Girls, only date and marry returned missionaries
8. No dating until 16 years old
9. Do baptisms for the dead
10. Get your own testimony
11. Share the gospel with everyone
12. No sex before marriage
13. Get married in the temple
14. Sustain the leaders
15. Aaronic priesthood for the young men
16. Repent for anything you have done wrong
17. Take the sacrament each week
18. Leave your little factory alone
19. Be an example
20. Do geneology and family history
21. Do temple work for your dead relatives
22. Keep a journal
23. Have as many kids as you possibly can
24. No smoking
25. No drinking alcohol
26. No swearing
27. No hot drinks (with the exception of hot chocolate)
28. No tea (even if it isn't hot)
29. No caffeine (even though it isn't in the WoW)
30. Obey the laws of the land
31. Follow the prophet
32. Watch 10 hours of General Conference twice a year
33. Always be worthy so the spirit will guide you
34. Follow the spirit
35. Never turn down a calling
36. Melchizedek priesthood for men
37. Keep your thoughts clean
38. Dress modestly
39. Get your own endowments
40. Wear garments day and night
41a. Girls, no double earrings
41b. Boys, no earrings at all
42. No tattoos
43. Go to BYU
44. Don't ask a general authority if he has seen god
45. Don't question anything
46. Unconditional obedience
47. No loud laughter
48. No evil speaking of the lords annointed (even if they deserve it)
49. Never reveal your "new name"
50. Attend all your meetings
51. Have family home evening (FHE)
52. Read only church approved material
53. Don't watch "R" rated movies
54. Porn in any form is not allowed
55. Don't associate with people who are against the church
56. Don't steal
57. Don't kill (unless commanded otherwise by god)
58. Have the missionaries over for dinner
59. Go to early morning seminary
60. If you're a college student, attend institute
61. Covenant to give everything to the church, if they ask
62. Clean your local ward meeting house
63. Mark your scriptures
64. Never leave your garments on the floor
65. "Know" it's true; believing isn't good enough
66. Be perfect
67. No necking/petting with your boyfriend/girlfriend
68. Your body is a temple; treat it as such
69. Have a current temple recommend
70. Interviews with the bishop
71. Interviews with the stake president
72. PPIs (personal priesthood interviews)
73. Be honest
74. Women are to be stay-at-home mothers
75. Give/receive blessings
76. No oral sex, even with your spouse
77. Don't be gay
78. Share your testimony on fast sunday
79. Fast on fast sunday
80. Donate to several church funds
81. Volunteer at D.I. or the bishop's store house
82. Put names on the "prayer list" in the temple
83. Wear your CTR ring
84. Memorize the 13 Articles of Faith
85. Boys, become an Eagle Scout
86. Endure to the end
87. Get baptized when you're 8 years old
88. Receive the holy ghost
89. Get your patriarchal blessing
90. Only listen to uplifting music
91. Join your ward choir
92. Subscribe to the Ensign and other church magazines
93. Buy and read books written by Apostles
94. Seek for personal inspiration
95. Be humble
96. No talking about what happens in the temple
97. Write to a missionary
98. Give talks in sacrament meeting
99. Youth, attend YM and YW activities
100. Attend ward parties
101. Do all of the above with a pure heart and real intent
Wow! I didn't think I would actually come up with 101 different expectations. No wonder I felt overwhelmed!
Can anyone think of more?
26 comments:
That was a great list. I'm not a Mormon, but have done some reading on the mythology, and you have provided some points that I can research (in order to make jokes, of course).
Just reading your list exhausted me. Imagine how rough it was when I was trying to do all of these things (well, the ones for women, anyway) and feeling like I could never measure up and why bother trying because obviously I wasn't going to make it anyway.
Hey don't forget: "The Bishop's daughter is perfect, deflowering her (she was previously deflowered by someone else) will get you excommunicated, but get her a calling in Young Womens.
Also,
103: Assume that anytime someone questions your beliefs, they are Anti-Mormon and are just attacking you!
104: All naysayers are apostates and should be treated as such.
105: Pay your tithing over your mortgage or your bishop will yank your recommend.
Women should be SAHM's and should not consider working.
Believe in the creation, evolution is just silliness.
No flip flops.
No shorts to mutual.
Men should marry asap after a mission.
Never question authority.
~maybe you had these already in your very accurate list. It made me tired and I felt anxious just remembering I was failing terribly. I am soooooo glad I'm out.~
I still don't understand why you believe there are over 100 "commandments" in Mormonism, because there isn't. They are no more than the Bible and Jesus expects us to follow.
A fellow who calls himself Jettboy left a comment. For some reason, blogger has blocked him. I'm not sure why, so I have reposted his comment.
He said:
"I still don't understand why you believe there are over 100 "commandments" in Mormonism, because there isn't. They are no more than the Bible and Jesus expects us to follow."
My response:
Jettboy, At the beginning of this post, I stated clearly that I sarcastically call them the 101 commandments. I know that they are not actual commandments, but you know as well as I do that every single item on this list is expected of the members. Are there any items on this list that you are refuting? Show me. If I'm wrong, I'll remove them.
Andy, if you have any questions about particulars, I'll be happy to answer any questions.
Faith, you said it. I think that they overwhelm their members on purpose to make sure that everyone has that inadequate feeling. That will keep them inline.
Outcast, I've never deflowered a bishops daughter, but looking forward to it! LOL.
Heather, thank you. Women are strongly encouraged to be stay-at-home-mothers. I completely forgot about that one.
To everyone, if you're exhausted by just reading this list, imagine having to do it for your entire life. No breaks. Constant pressure.
Makes me shudder
Well that is a whole bunch of rules and regulations!! How can anyone keep that?
Religion, is just that. Rules, rules and then more rules.
Christianity, on the other hand, is a relationship with Jesus Christ being subjected to Him and Him alone with only two rules to follow.
1. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, and with all your mind and with all your strength.
2. Love your neighbour as yourself.
Simple and really easy to follow. No mounds of rules that Mormonism or any other religion throws at you. Christianity is freedom in Christ Jesus.
Clean, simple and very easy to do.
Blessings,
<><
Good List! Reminds me of all of the things I had a hard time with after converting.
To: Child of God
There is a LOT more to Christianity than just those two. If that was the case, the Bible would be a VERY short book indeed.
Child of God, from the way you are talking, it sounds like you believe there is a difference between "religion" and "Christianity". Have I understood you right?
If so, are you saying that Christianity is not religion? Then what is it?
@Jordan,
Christianity is a relationship not a religion. In a relationship there is freedom, friendship, give and take. It is also called a marriage.
@Mormon 411,
That is why it is such a stumbling block to most people; it is simple. The Bible is not a book full of rules and regulations but it is a History of the Jewish people and the story of Jesus Christ. Jesus Himself said in Matthew 22:38-40
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
If you notice in verse 40 Jesus says "All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments".
Have you ever read the Bible? You might be interested in picking one up and read John, it is in the New Testament the last Gospel.
Blessings,
<><
this was interesting. thanks for sharing!
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Child of God:
How can it be a relationship if there is only one person involved? You can't honestly tell me that you're on a one-on-one with Jesus. And since I'm pretty sure that you've never seen him, spoken with him, or otherwise interacted with him in any way, it really makes you look delusional, no offense intended.
I have never read the Bible cover to cover. I tried once (back when I was a believer) but was quickly bored to tears.
Heather:
I have replaced #74 with your suggestion. 74 was originally "Be loyal to your spouse" which is kind of a given in any marriage, not just Mormonism.
>>>>How can it be a relationship if there is only one person involved?
It can't. That's why you have to respond. God can't carry on a relationship with you all by Himself.
<><
Very clever, EriK,
If you would just soften your heart, you would see that the true source of goodness and righteousness comes from my god, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which I openly admit has no proof of existance but I know he's there anyway. And I know that if you just talk to him, he'll answer you and bless you and save you. I know he was consumed for me.
I love the commandments! Though, they are not truly commandments, more like guidelines:) They will benefit me:) Some of them are ha ha, a little out there:) Like, 'Go to BYU" hahaha:) That's a good one! I am a stark member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, but I don't go to BYU:) Thanks for sharing! It makes me realize how far I've come and all the things that I accomplish everyday. I love being a 'Mormon'! Love, A True Loved Daughter of God:)
These might sound bitter but that's because I am, a little:
Paste a smiley on your face. (Don't mention the Prozac.)
Display Jesus in Gethsemane over the mantle. You know the one.
Wear thigh-length T-shirts over one piece swimsuits. Board shorts optional.
Assault friends and strangers with The Golden Question. Their eternal salvation is in your hands.
If Bishop ( via God ) calls you to be pianist, say yes. Figure out how later.
Stash 3 mos of bad food and a ham radio under the beds.
#78, part 2-- Be alert to happy coincidences. That's God, ignoring the 9 yr old starving rebel-orphans in Darfur, to get that utility refund in your mailbox.
Don't read non-Deseret published doctrinal material; it's anti-Mormon. (Even if it's from Purdue. Especially if it's from Berkeley)
If you failed to earn your Eagle or to go on a mission; have a really, really good story ready. At all times.
Bishop eulogizes all dead Mormons.
No drums or brass in the chapel.
Single? Join the race to see which Mormon couple can go from "Just Met" to "Just (temple) Married" fastest. Bonus points for RM's
ok so there's a lot of really good points made on here. I agree that mormonism is...a little off kilter, to say the least. I'm a baptist. We teach the bible as it was written. And no, not all baptists go and protest military funerals. we don't force stuff down peoples' throats either, by going door to door doing "missions." our idea of a mission is going out of the country or going to a poor part of the country and helping. a mission does not always involve sharing the gospel at every second of the day and night. it is merely showing God's love to the community through our service and kindness. Who cares if our labor is recognized?! It doesn't matter! Nothing is required and we have no guidelines. I don't understand why anyone could think that this incredible loving God we have would have such a leash on us as if we were dogs! We should follow his commands, but we don't HAVE to. He gives us the option to follow him or not. We have the choice.
@Thatonegirl - I don't think you've been properly introduced to God and his Book of Instructions. Let me do the honors:
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/300981_211527202248619_100001740220005_561776_206722870_n.jpg
Those choices are obvi Biblical but whatever intuition you have that they're evil does not. It comes from your natural humanity and intelligence.
(Not sure how to post proper link here...)
As a member of the LDS church I find your list quite amusing. a lot of those things we do do. yes we go to church, no we dont have pre-marital sex, and boys do serve missions. but everything that we do is by CHOICE, not force. we pay our tithing by CHOICE, we go to church because we WANT to.
A lot of those things arnt commandments,such as; 74. Women are to be stay-at-home mothers or Read only church approved material.
We do question authority. (Well at least i do) and its something i do quite often. We are not haters of any religion and do not "shun" others who are not part of the mormon church. Their are individuals who by their own personal opinion and choice choose to be cruel to those of different opinions and not associate with them. But i can assure you that those are not what we are taught in church.
I do appreciate this post, it is interesting to see how others view us.
Roma, thank you. I wish more Mormons were like you. Many of them just judge me and condemn ex-Mormons to outer darkness.
If this post made it look like Mormons are forced to do all these things, they are not. It is a choice, but often, there is a lot of pressure involved.
And yes, shunning is not taught in church but it does happen all too often.
no oral sex?!?! why? That is the best part of sex. :)
The most important commandments are to love one another, to be baptized, and to repent on a regular basis so we can relieve ourselves of guilt and feel God's peace in our lives. Imagine living a life without repentance, but full of guilt. I've seen people like that, and it's sad because they look broken. Imagine a life full of God's forgiveness. I've seen that too, and it is truly empowering. They look alive, strong, and beaming with happiness.
You forgot:
Have a year's supply of food storage and gasoline,
Grow a garden (you don't hear this much anymore, but it was a big deal about 20 years ago,)
Feed the missionaries,
Go on splits with the missionaries.
Can't remember if you said:
Fast on Fast Sundays,
Contribute 2 meals worth of money to fast offerings
Oh, and have a 72-hour kit for each member of your family.
Also a year's worth of water.
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