Saturday, February 15, 2014

How A Patriarchal Blessing Destroyed My Marriage

For my readers who might not know, a Patriarchal Blessing is a guide for LDS people.  It sometimes predicts the future and is supposed to give guidance.

Every worthy member is encouraged to get their blessing.  It is usually given to people shortly before they leave on a mission or get married.

In every stake, there is a man called a patriarch.  He is the person who gives the blessings.  Upon being determined worthy (there is a lot of that in Mormonism) the candidate will usually go right to the patriarch's home.  There, he will give them a special blessing.  This blessing is recorded and transcribed.  They are kept on record and a copy is sent to the recipient. 

Members are encouraged to read their blessing often for guidance in making life decisions.  They are told to not share their blessing freely with others.  Many Mormons take this advice very seriously and really do expect that the promises and predictions that are made will someday come to pass.

It can give general advice like, obey the commandments and you will be blessed.  They will often state that the person will serve an honorable mission or will get married in the temple and have lots of babies.  Or it can give very specific advice, like advice on personal issues, finance, career, etc.

This is why it ruined my marriage.

My ex-wife received her patriarchal blessing.  One of the things it promised her was that, as she progressed through life, she would acquire many physical belongings, ie, wealth.

When we were married, we always had enough.  We were never behind on the bills and even had money to go on occasional vacations.  We weren't rich but had all our needs met with extra left over.  However, my ex-wife could not get over the fact that her blessing had promised her riches.  She became resentful of me when it didn't happen, as if it was my fault.  She referred to this promise many times and always looked forward to the day when we would be swimming in money.

Naturally, there were other factors to consider as well, but I do think that this is one of the reasons why my marriage is over.  She wanted her blessing fulfilled, and obviously I was holding her back from her destiny of wealth and glamour.

She is now married to her rich prince charming (who is not a member of the church).

The church must be true because her blessing came to pass!  It only took a destroyed family to make it happen, but it was all part of the plan!

I find it interesting that when people receive these blessings, they actively set out to make them happen.  So, would it have happened if it hadn't been predicted?  In my case, I can't say for sure, but I do believe she wouldn't have been so focused on what we didn't have.  Maybe she would have been able to see all that we DID have!

Thank you, LDS church, for destroying my marriage!

21 comments:

Andrew Hall said...

I am so sorry that happened, man.

Mormon411 said...

Thank you, my friend. It sucks but life goes on. There is a woman out there for me somewhere who can see me for me and not my money.

radwane brahim said...

sorry for your marriage...kids?
I write from tunisia...I'm supposed to be moslem(???)...the success of a couple, is first of all the bed...without a good sexual relation no success to a marriage...I'm married since 18 years
best regards

Gabriel McDonald said...

Yeah, sorry... That's kind of a shit show. You're right to note the interesting phenomenon that people are given these prophecies that they can choose to influence. On the flip side, I can similarly imagine a mildly free-thinking Mormon getting a patriarchal blessing that says 'you are destined for a life of crime, poverty, loss, and hardship' and actively working against God's plan.

Anyway, nice blog! Keep up the good work!

WindspriteMüsli said...

That's quite tough. I mean, she didn't really love you, if she was so focused on her blessing, did she? I wouldn't take such a blessing for serious, even if it truly believed in god, since it's given by a human person, and not by god or whatever.
I think, it's better, just to choose, what you want for your life and then work on that instead of following a blessing, another person has given to you.

Heather said...

I hate those damn blessings. I am so sorry about this. There IS a woman out there who won't care about money and only about you. Man, if I married or money I wouldn't have married an artist.=) Love is out there for you. It really is and it will be so much better for you than your wife's new relationship. I know a woman who admits she married for money and she's miserable. She was astounded that I stayed married after my hubs was laid off earlier last year.

If I had any single lady friends I'd send them your way- but I have 2 brother-in-laws looking too=/ It'll happen. =)

Mormon411 said...

Thanks everyone. I didn't write this post so that everyone would feel sorry for me. It is rough and it has been hard though.

Radwane, while sex is certainly part of a healthy relationship, it is only a part. There is much more like quality time, conversation, working through the hard times, seeing the best in each other... I never had any of those things.

Gabriel, haha, yes, I wonder how many PB's have failed to predict that someone will leave the church someday!

Windsprite, no, she never did love me. She was never interested in anything about me. She was in it for herself and that saddens me deeply.

Heather, you're so sweet! I'm sure there is a woman out there, but I'll take my time and make sure I know the person instead of follow the Mormon pattern and rush to the alter. I'm in no hurry. I'd rather be alone the rest of my life than be with the wrong person.

Mormon411 said...

At the top of this post, I included a link to the LDS website where it talks about PB's and shows a short video of TSM. At the end he states, "It is available to every worthy member of the church."

May I just point out that "worthy" includes paying tithing...

Lucy Loo said...

If having my own opinion that totally disagrees with yours, call it spam. The blessing did not destroy your marriage. Be accountable for your own actions. I am sure there is a totally different side to this story. We as humans always need to blame something or something else for our failures. I am sorry you have lost the one you loved..but perhaps someone who is not of any faith at all will lead you in the right direction. I hope you find happiness.

Mormon411 said...

Lucy,

I am very aware that there were other factors involved in my failed marriage, BUT I know for a fact that the story I told is definitely part of it. She would always quote that passage from her blessing and would always tell me that she had dreamed it came true. She would always compare our house and cars to those of her friends.

If you had been there to see what happened, you would have seen me trying every day to sit down and talk about our problems. And you would have seen her every day, folding her arms and turning her head away from me.

You would have seen her gone on every weekend away partying with her friends.

You would have seen me in school earning nearly straight A's (3.8 GPA) and then coming home to hear "You never do anything".

She was an awful person and I wasted so many years trying to fix our pathetic marriage.

Bee Manghi said...

sad

jessica walter said...

I just wanted to express my gratitude and appreciation to prophet salifu for bringing my husband back to me,I was married to my husband for 4 years and all of a sudden he started seeing another lady (his mistress).he started hailing at me and he was abusive.. and he hated me , but I still loved him with all my heart . the situation made me unsettle and not to focus at work .so a friend told me about trying (prophet salifu )spiritual means to get my husband back and introduced me to him ? i did not listen to her and hoped that my husband will come back home . after 9 month of seperation and depression , it got out of hand and my husband came back home to break the news to me that he want a divorce that he is getting married to his mistress .Hmmm it was so shocking to me ,i felt sad and more depressed ,so i contacted my friend again and decieded to try to use spiritual means reluctantly..although I didn't believe in all those things? I never thought in a million years that i will get my husband back to me a again. but I was proved wrong.after 24 hours, my husband came back and was pleading..he had realized his mistakes..i just couldn't believe it that we are back together. I am deeply satisfied and thankful with prophet salifu work .if you also want to fix you marriage or relationship email him at prophetsalifu@yahoo.com or prophetsalifu@gmail.com , his work is for a better life .

splat said...

I think it was not the blessing it was her personal desires. I think she misinterpreted her blessing because of her personnel desires like someone wrests the words in the bible for theirs. I think she was too caught up in worldliness and used the blessing as a excuse so she didn't look so bad and it wasn't her fault. Good luck to you and sorry for your loss

Caitlyn Cody said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mormon411 said...

Does it matter? The blessing is inspired of god. It is given to be used as a guide through life. If it tells her she will have material possessions, and then it doesn't happen, it has to be someone's fault. Right?

Shelle said...

Just out of curiosity, did you ever actually read her entire blessing? Or just take her word for it and accept that passage was not taken out of context? My blessing also says I will have riches. But they are spiritual riches. Mine also admonishes to remember the difference between needs and wants and I will always be blessed with everything I need. Sounds more like her selfish desires caused your divorce and not her Patriarchal Blessing.

Mormon411 said...

Shelle,

It has been so long ago, that I honestly don't remember if I ever read it. I think at one point we might have read each other's. But I vividly remember her quoting verbatim many times, "...you will progress in material possessions." If it doesn't come true, blame the atheist! Yes, for years and years I got accused of being the one holding her back from her destiny.

In this case it seems very clear that it is not talking about spiritual riches. Yes, "selfish" would be a perfect pronoun to describe her.

Side note rant: spiritual riches... you mean basically getting your rewards after you die. Seems pretty convenient huh? If nothing happens when you die, you can't come back and demand a refund. These blessings are nothing more than a visit to your local fortune teller. No matter what they tell you, you justify in your mind to find a way to make it all true.

And learning to know the difference between wants and needs is not divine guidance... it's common sense.

Richard Harrison said...

I read your story and I am sorry to hear about what happened but I would like to point out a few things that may help. Number 1, the LDS/ Mormon church is not accountable for the poor choices people in the church make. The people who make the choices are responsible so in this case I don't think you should blame the church because your ex wife decided to be stupid. I think that's fair. The church never encouraged her to leave you and go marry someone with money. Secondly I think your ex wife didn't understand that a patriarchal blessing can mean more than what we think it means. She thought her blessing meant she would be rich. But couldn't she see that it could also just mean that she is already blessed to live in a country where we have so many physical and material things instead of being in a tiny African village with one change of clothes? Anyway I just think that you should not be mad at the church or patriarchal blessings because of the actions your ex wife chose to make. They are her actions and obviously don't represent the teachings of the church. I have never heard any leader of the church encourage someone to leave their spouse to marry someone else with more money. A patriarchal blessing didn't ruin your marriage. Your wife did.

Richard Harrison said...

So I posted here just a little while ago but rereading your story and the comments that have been made plus your responses it is pretty clear to me that you hate your ex wife but on top of that you were looking for excuses to leave your church anyway.

First, for example your point about tithing in one of your comments. Tithing is not an exclusive thing to the LDS church. It has been around since the Old Testament and many churches accept it as doctrine. Sounds to me like you don't want to pay it anyway. Sounds like you want to rob God as described in Malachi 3:8. An your wife is the only selfish one?

Then, I have some comments on your rant about spiritual riches. First, you made it pretty clear that you are unsure if there is even an afterlife at all. If you don't have a testimony of what happens after we die here then of course you don't fully understand patriarchal blessings. How are you to understand something more complex such as a Patriarchal blessing when you don't even fully understand what's going to happen when you die? Lastly, not one time did you mention Jesus Christ. Not one time have you mentioned seeking him in your life. How diligent are you at studying the scriptures? How often do you sincerely pray to God? How often do you let go of what you want and serve others? When was the last time you counseled with God who is perfect instead of other imperfect human beings? Do you have the humility to accept the fact that even if you were/are doing all these things that bad things happen to good people? These things happen because we live in a fallen world and other people (your ex wife) choose to make terrible decisions that affect us. But this should not stop us from turning to God and understanding why. Have you ever thought what you can do to change and grow and understand what Jesus Christ would do in your situation? I don't think that he would complain about how the pharisees and Sadducees sought every day to ruin His life?

So to be frank, man up. Life sucks, stuff happens. But we learn, change, and become better people. Not bigger whiners and complainers because God is trying to refine us into better people. Don't go around encouraging any one of any faith turn away from God. Who cares what church you attend IF that church teaches you good principles? It will all work out in the end if you are sincerely trying to do what you think is right. Complaining and pointing blame does not foster anything God in this world.

ねびるぶるくす said...

She interpreted it wrong. She already had many things. If she left you for riches then it was already in her heart and the blessing was merely a validation. My dad said every single thing in his blessing has come to pass except one, and he wasn't actively pursuing it. Even mine displays character traits that I didn't yet know about that have naturally developed. Remember, it is not our place to interpret revelation.

Daniel A said...

Yes, interpretation matters very much: I was once promised a blessing that I would not have feelings of homesickness while I was away from my family. I wasn't homesick, but in the regular sense of missing my family and friends. I did miss home, but it was more of missing my life there and how it wasn't as challenging as where I had come to. Another instance, I was promised once that I wouldn't ever want for work. Some people might interpret that to mean that they will never be unemployed. I have found that for me I have been unemployed but only because I didn't really want work bad enough. Once I had prayed to let Him know that I needed and wanted work, then put my feet forward, citing the promise given to me, I found work within a week or so, every time, not just once.

So yes, interpretation does matter. I won't say whether you or your ex-wife are/were worthy because that's between you and God but I will say this: in the bible, Exodus 20 particularly, Moses brought the 10 commandments, one of which was to not covet. I'm sure you had that discussion right there with your ex many times, as I read in one of the posts, but perhaps that was a part of riches she wasn't going to have? Perhaps her riches were to come in different form? Sorry that things didn't work out I wish you the best of luck. Put your trust in God, don't lose hope, and I know everything will work out for you.