Saturday, April 26, 2008

Life Is A Test! Endure! Endure! Endure!

I recently got on to and has a short chat with an LDS missionary. I say short because he ended it before we could even get going.

I asked him if he was in the MTC to which he replied that he did. I told him that I used to work in the telecenter back in the day before they had chatting or even the internet! I also mentioned that I hated it. We did outbound calls to people who had seen a television ad and had called in to get their free Book of Mormon. They didn't realize that mishies like myself would call and try to set up missionary visits. I hated calling them because I knew they didn't want me to. The same reason I hated tracting; no one wants a religious fanatic to knock on their door.

This chat center is designed for non-LDS members who want to learn more about the church. As soon as I began talking about my MTC experiences, I got the feeling that he would cut me short, which he did!

I hoped to keep him on the line so I mentioned that I am no longer active and have left the church. He asked me why which is a fair question.

Knowing that my time was limited, I began to explain how first it started just sounding like a fairy tale. Then I briefly described why I quit going to church. I told him that it was a huge relief to rid myself of all the demands and expectations. He agreed that there are a lot of demands and then reminded me that life is a test.

He said it was like going to a gym to work out but only using 5 lb weights because 100 lb weights are "too heavy" and "too hard". Basically he called me a quitter, which doesn't surprise me.

I asked this young man, who called himself John, where he was going on his mission but he never answered.

I could tell he was trying to wrap it up so I then assured him that I am very happy without TSCC and that god is a man-made entity and the First Vision never happened. At that point, he wished me well and said he had to go.

I was in the middle of typing something like, "No time to chat with the evil apostate... you gotta find those golden contacts", but he cut me out and it was over.

I wasn't trying to be hard on the kid. I know he's been engrained with his "testimony" all his life. Undoing brainwashing of that magnitude is impossible to do in a two or three minute chat. But I'm hopeful that a seed has been planted.

His reminder that life is a test stuck with me. That's right. That's exactly right! A test. God is up in heaven watching everything I do and if I fuck up, I fail the test. Life is a test and is not meant to be enjoyed. Every waking moment is to be spent studying to pass this test. If you enjoy it, you fail! There is a vengeful god to please and not a moment to spare.

Life is a test and I'm a big loser!!! I couldn't hack all the "hard work". I fell away because it was too hard! So I just quit trying and those elite Mormons are in the attitude of laughing, mocking, and pointing their fingers. It was too goddamn hard!

But then on the other hand, what if the church is a huge fucking cult and the leaders know that if they keep you busy, busy, busy for the lord, you will never have any time to sit down and think for yourself. So, the LDS church is an organization of busy work. Busy fucking work!

I've talked about it all before. But they heap on the callings, meetings, service projects, missions, youth programs, seminary, institute, etc. Anything to keep your mind busy so that you will not think for yourself. And when someone like me "falls out" they tell me I couldn't endure to the end. I passed all of life's requirements: baptism, endowment, priesthood, temple marriage, etc. Except I just couldn't endure.

Either it is the kingdom of god and you have to work your ass of to get your reward, OR it is a huge fucking cult that keeps it's members inline by heaping a ton of busy work on them.

If it is true, then why am I happier now than I have ever been before?

If it is true, then why do I not have a constant stupor of thought?

If it is true, then Jesus owes me a whole ton of "back blessings", coz he forgot to pay up. He sure didn't forget to remind me to pay up though!

It's a cult and nothing but a bunch of busy work in the form of a "test". The LDS church exploits it's members for their time, talents, and money, telling them that if they don't willingly give, they fail the test and go to hell. What a scam! What a shame! The world would be a better place without Mormonism.

Just another evil apostate...

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