Saturday, May 31, 2008

My Mission - In A Nutshell

People who know me personally and are aware of my LDS apostasy (which are few) are surprised. I was totally into the church. Prior to my mission, I attended a college singles ward and hoped to leave on my mission from that ward, due to conflicts between my mother and the bishop of my home ward. Unfortunately, I was informed that it couldn't be done, so I started attending my home ward as well... two wards = six hours of church every Sunday. I attended faithfully, sitting through two complete blocks of LDS Sunday services.

I had never been inactive in my life. I did go through a phase where I did not want to offer any prayers. My mom remedied that by constantly asking me to pray, even though she knew I didn't want to.

My ward had about 3 young men and about 20 young women. Therefore, I wouldn't say I was popular with the girls, but I did have lots of dates. There was one young woman who was maybe three or four years younger than me, very pretty. I dated her a few times and she would always kiss me. In fact, she was the last girl I kissed before my mission. I was surprised when I only got one letter from her during the entire two years.

As a young man, I naturally was attracted to the girls and had my fantasies about what I would like to do with them. But actually doing them was not an option. I was far too afraid of the Mormon god. There was no way I could handle the shame and label of being ex'ed from the lords only true church.

What little messing around I did do went unreported to my bishop and so I went on a mission feeling the weight and guilt of some petty sins.

I believed I went on a mission for the right reason. My father had left the church already and my mom said that she would accept me no matter what I chose (I didn't fully believe that as my mom was staunch LDS). My suitcase sat in my bedroom for months before I left in preparation.

The mission was not at all what I was expecting. The first month in the MTC passed quickly with no incident that I remember. But when I got to the field and was assigned to my first companion, I quickly learned what the church was all about... control.

My first companion was a drill sergeant. He obeyed every rule above and beyond the letter. He did not give me any room for decisions or thinking. He knew the rules and was not about to even let me think about not keeping them. Any form of resistance on my part was immediately reported to the district leader, and I quickly earned the label of rebellious.

This asshole kept me pinned down under his thumb for three long and miserable months. He was perfect and righteous and since I did not share his obsession for complete obedience, we rarely got along. He would contantly threaten my soul with damnation; after all, the rules are given to us by a living prophet. If you don't obey the rules, you are openly rebelling against god himself. Therefore, even though he was a complete dictator and asshole, I was the one who got the label, while he got the glory. Everyone praised him for how dedicated he was... which he was. But the entire missionary program forgets one thing... the most important thing in the so-called gospel... free agency. I had none. If I didn't obey every rule, real or imagined, I was threatened with being sent home, a disgrace that I could not possibly face. No, going through complete and utter hell on my mission was still better than getting sent home early.

I was relieved to discover that not all missionaries were as die-hard as my first companion. I had a few that were close. In fact, all the staunch rule keepers behaved so similarly that it constantly amazed me.

So I received the label and was junior companion my entire mission. Now keep in mind that this is the missionary who went to six hours of church every sunday, of his own complete will. He blessed the sacrament every week. He went on a mission of his own decision and (for the most part - 99%) kept himself worthy (by LDS standards) to go on a mission.

I was assigned to some pretty rebellious senior companions. I had one companion who would sleep in until noon, listen to any music he wanted, often leave me home alone while going places, and abused the living hell out of the mission car. One time he wanted to borrow $10 from me to buy a calling card so he could call a girl from his previous area. When I refused, he punched a hole in the wall. This was my senior companion; put into this position by pure revelation... And since that was the case, who was I, in all my inferiority, to argue with his inspired decisions to be a complete jack-off missionary?

As you can see, I still believed in the church at this point but I was beginning to see some flaws in the "perfect" church. I was a good person and a good missionary. People loved me. And yet I had the label. I believed in the church and in the work, but I strongly disagreed with this idea that a missionary has to be completely, 100% obedient to every rule, or else he can't have the spirit. It was pure nonsense to me, even as a TBM missionary.

I knew the real reason for the existance of the rules. They were there because the church knew that 95% of the elders didn't want to be there. They kept this crowd under control by threatening them with sure damnation if they did not comply. I knew the rules were nothing but control tactics... for brainless, horny dorks who would rather be anywhere than on a mission. It was crystal clear to me then and even more so now.

My mission was the beginning of the end for me. My personal drill sergeant even prophesied that I would eventually leave the church. I held out on my apostasy as long as possible, just so that he wouldn't be right! LOL. But my drill sergeant was a few eggs short of a dozen. He did some incredibly wierd and bizzar things. In fact, I filled the first one-third of my journal with all the manipulating and wierd shit that he did. He was a fucking psycho; I can see that now.

I had another companion later who was very much like my first companion. This jerk was a little boy who thought he was the shit! He would always order me around like a fucking dictator saying, "I'm the senior companion and what I say, goes!", followed up with "I said now, and I mean now!" This asshole once told me that I had a $10 testimony. It took every ounce of strength I had to not bust his nose, right there on the street. He was a scrawny little fucker and I could have easily beat the shit out of him. But I didn't, out of the fear of being sent home. Damn, if I could only go back... I would probably permanantly disfigure his face.

Mormonism is all about fear and control. Or control by fear.

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Wealthy Mormons and Their Questionable Income

I went to a Utah Blaze (arena football) game the other night and it was fun. The crowd was screaming and I walked out of there with my ears ringing. The game was held in Larry H. Miller's "Energy Solutions Arena".

For those who might be unaware, Larry H. Miller is a very wealthy citizen of Salt Lake. He owns car dealerships, movie theatres, restaurants, the Energy Solutions Arena, and the Utah Jazz. It's an understatement that he is very well to do. He's also Mormon.

At this game, vendors are selling munchies, drinks, and... beer? Larry is a Mormon and yet he sells alcohol at his stadium. His theatres are open on Sunday.

Another famous Mormon who profits from sinful endulgences is Mr. Marriott. You can stay in his hotel and watch pay-per-view porno. I'm sure he makes millions from porn sales. And then, get this, instead of a Bible, he leaves a Book of Mormon in each room for his guests to enjoy. Talk about a double standard!

The church, obviously, eagerly accepts the tithing donations from both Miller and Marriott, knowing full well that their income is questionable when compared to LDS standards. I would imagine that both Miller and Marriott give substantial donations to the church.

It all just goes to show like I was saying in my last post... if the dollar amount is high enough, they will look the other way when it comes to sin.

It's shameful... Jesus would whip the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve right out of the temple.

Your Apostate...

Saturday, May 17, 2008

Forgivness For Your Money

Mormon 8: 32 Yea, it shall come in a day when there shall be churches built up that shall say: Come unto me, and for your money you shall be forgiven of your sins.

I know a guy who is seeking forgivness from the LDS church for some past transgressions. He was excommunicated and naturally, stripped of all his "priesthood blessings". Now he is struggling to get it all restored and one of the requirements that he must do to be forgiven is to pay his tithing.

I could go on and on but the scripture I just quoted above is right out of the Book of Mormon. No where, in any scripture, does it say that money is required for forgivness OR salvation.

The LDS church surely does.

Friday, May 16, 2008

The LDS Churches "Welfare" Program

How much money does the LDS church donate to charity annually? Honestly, I'm not sure what the numbers are, or if they are even available. Say they claim to have donated $10,000,000 last year (just an estimate; I have no idea what the real number is). But as you will see, it doesn't matter if it is just one dollar or a hundred-million dollars. No matter what they give (or claim to give) it doesn't matter because in the long run, when you really think about it, THEY GIVE NOTHING!

How can I claim that they give nothing to charity when I, myself, am a former reciepient of LDS church welfare?

It's true, the church does indeed have a vast and efficient program. The "Bishop's Storehouse" produces all types of food goods and distributes them to the needy. Their system is very clean and efficient and far surpasses government standards for food production. Their food and products are extremely high quality. Honestly, I'd rather eat food produced by the LDS church than most other foods. I'm no fan of the LDS church but I have to hand it to their Bishop's Storehouse food. It's very good.

But in spite of all that, I still claim that the LDS church gives nothing to charity. Not one penny! And there are two reasons...

1) The churches welfare system is funded by a pool of money called "fast offerings". Members of the LDS church are asked to fast once a month (go without any food for two meals), and then donate the cost of those meals to the fast offering fund. Once these funds are received, they are used by the Bishop's Storehouse AND local bishops. Bishops, at their own discression, can use that money to help members of their ward pay bills, rent, etc.

So all the money that is used in this system is donated BY THE MEMBERS. The LDS church, to my understanding, does not toss a single penny into the pot. So the LDS church receives the money and delegates where it will be spent, but the money comes from the members, not from the church itself. So how much does the LDS church donate to welfare? NOTHING!

2) Most reciepients of church welfare are not just handed out a free meal just because they asked for it. In many cases, the church will only help their own; active members. Not only that, but, again, in many cases, the reciepient is asked to work for the church before they can receive help. The churches welfare system is entirely dependant on volunteers to operate and those volunteers are, you guessed it, working for their share.

That's good and I'm all for that, except for one problem. The people are working for the church. They are receiving goods produced with money donated by the members. What's wrong with this picture? These people are working for the church which makes it no longer welfare. They are temporary employees who's paycheck is a grocery cart full of food, which is paid for by the members, not the church.

So the church gives away (to people who have worked for it) a certain amount of money (which is donated by the members) and claim that it is welfare. No doubt, they are helping people. But it is not charity. It is not charity because they make people work for their help and it's not charity (from the church at least) because the money is donated by the members.

How much does the LDS church give out in charity? Nothing!!! It's not charity. It is a scam to get free labor. The LDS church claims it gives so much a year to charity but it's a lie. The members give it and they receive no glory, recognition, no nothing, except an empty belly once a month.

It may be a good system which helps people, but it is not charity.

Just another evil apostate...

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

The Righteous Hiding Of Truth

Original Article provided by
Original Author: unknown

Our temple recommend interviews include the question "are you honest in all of your dealings?" It seems that honesty doesn't count in some cases, and that sweeping truth under a rug, even if "for a season", is the new defintion of honesty for not only church members but church leaders.

Let's reflect upon just a few of the words of the leaders [all emphasis is mine]:

"My duty as a member of the Council of the Twelve is to protect what is most unique about the LDS church, namely the authority of priesthood, testimony regarding the restoration of the gospel, and the divine mission of the Savior. EVERYTHING may be sacrificed in order to maintain the integrity of those essential facts. Thus, if Mormon Enigma reveals information that is detrimental to the REPUTATION of Joseph Smith, then it is necessary to try to limit its influence and that of its authors." - Apostle Dallin Oaks, footnote 28, Inside the Mind of Joseph Smith: Psychobiography and the Book of Mormon, Introduction p. xliii

What Dallin is saying here is that even if we find historical facts directly in the church's own history that make the brethren or their testimonies look bad, or cast a bad light on Joseph Smith [even if it’s true!], then we have to try to limit its influence. Another “gross error”, in my opinion.

And here's one of the most popular quotes amongst those who have discovered that mormonism is a lie. This is Boyd K. Packer when he talks about sharing “all” of the truth:

There is a temptation for the writer or the teacher of church history to want to tell everything, whether it is worthy or faith promoting or not. Some things that are true are not very useful. That historian or scholar who delights in pointing out the weaknesses and frailties of present or past leaders destroys faith. A destroyer of faith — particularly one within the Church, and more particularly one who is employed specifically to build faith — places himself in great spiritual jeopardy. He is serving the wrong master, and unless he repents, he will not be among the faithful in the eternities. ... Do not spread disease germs!" - Boyd K. Packer, "The Mantle is Far, Far Greater Than the Intellect", 1981, BYU Studies, Vol. 21, No. 3, pp. 259-271

I would ask, how is telling TRUTH “spreading disease germs” or “not very useful”? Why would one want to repent for telling the truth [and worse yet, be told by a 'prophet, seer and revelator' to keep our mouths shut about truth if it doesn't support the way the church is run right now]? Does not the temple recommend interview specifically ask us if we "are honest in all our dealings”? It seems to me that these statements also strongly contradict the admonishings of prophets [past and present] which clearly state that the church bears careful investigation and so does its leaders.

Russell M. Nelson said, "To anyone who, because of truth, may be tempted to become a dissenter against the Lord and his anointed, weigh carefully your action in light of this sacred scripture: (he then quotes Alma 47:36). [see - Russell M. Nelson, “Truth—and More,” Ensign, Jan. 1986, page 69 for the full talk].

I submit that if the church, which claims its foundation is based on truth, SHOULD have its members become concerned and speak out if they find falsehoods in the very religion that claims it is the “one and only true church”; that we are to be “honest in all our dealings”; that “the Lord’s anointed will NEVER fail or lead us astray”; and that we are to investigate our religion thoroughly. Elder Nelson’s comments are contradictory, dishonest, and shameful.

Here’s another from Dallin: He published an article for the February 1987 Ensign Magazine. Again, Dallin declared that there is no place in the church for public criticism of church leaders, even if the criticism is true. He also said:

"Truth surely exists as an absolute, but our use of truth should be disciplined by other values. ... When truth is constrained by other virtues, the outcome is not falsehood but silence for a season. As the scriptures say, there is “a time to keep silence, and a time to speak." -Dallin H. Oaks, "Reading Church History," CES Doctrine and Covenants Symposium, Brigham Young University, 16 Aug. 1985, page 25. also see Dallin H. Oaks, "Elder Decries Criticism of LDS Leaders," quoted in The Salt Lake Tribune, Sunday August 18, 1985, p. 2B

This is what is more correctly termed "Lying by omission", or more strongly called “lying for the Lord”. It could also be regarded as lying to save face, and telling the truth later when it’s more convenient. The scripture he quoted does not say “There is a time to tell the truth and a time to lie [by omission, or for the Lord...ha]”.

I submit that truth is NEVER constrained by other virtues. Otherwise, members shouldn’t be constantly saying, “I know this church is true, I know the prophet is true, I know the scriptures are true, etc.”

Monday, May 12, 2008

Mothers Day, Camping, Mormons, and Wife

I can't believe it's been a whole week since I posted my last blog... it seems like yesterday. I've been busy with work and family and it's just made the time fly.

I went on a weekend camping trip for the Mother's Day weekend and it was a blast. I've got a brother in law who is totally non-religious and he is a riot! He arrived at our camping ground first and the next day an entire ward of Mormon campers on a father and son outing showed up. When I arrived, the campground was packed with Mormons.

I couldn't help but hear them singing hymns (All Is Well) and talking about their hero, Gordo.

2 Nephi 28:25 Wo be unto him that crieth: All is well!

We had a great time that night. We sat back, enjoyed our Jack Daniels, and made noise until who knows how late. Who knows how many righteous, holier-than-thou Mormons we offended. It was a lot of fun. Not one of them tried being friendly to us.

The next morning, they all packed up and left quite early. Then the campground was empty and we had our choice of camping spots. We spent the rest of the weekend with almost no other campers. It was nice. It's funny that two heathens can drive out an entire ward of Mormons that easily! LOL. They were probably planning to leave anyway.

On the way up to the campground, I had a one sided conversation with my wife. It consisted of me talking and asking questions and her replying with either "I don't know" or "Why are you doing this to me?" At one point I asked her, "Even if the church really is not true, would you rather believe it anyway in ignorance?" To which she replied that she would.

Wow, I can't do that. I can't blindly believe something. Surprisingly, later in the weekend she began asking me all types of different questions and we had a fairly intelligent conversation which, to be totally honest, rarely happens between my wife and me. She always gets offended and defensive and it usually turns into a fight.

I think that she thinks that she is the only woman in the world who's husband has left the church. When she sees me in a non-Mormon environment with other people like me, she begins to loosen up a little.

Sing "All Is Well" all day long! Idiots...

Sunday, May 4, 2008

"I Want to be A Mother!"

Ask any LDS young woman or girl what they want to do with their life and they will proudly answer, "Be a mother".

As an LDS female, it is your duty to be a baby factory. Now don't get me wrong; I have nothing against woman or mothers. But you see, as an LDS woman, the highest honor you can have is to be a mother. You are the vessle by which special spirit children of god are given their bodies. Or so they tell you anyway.

So LDS girls are engrained with the idea that they don't need a career; they don't need an education; they just need a temple worthy man who can knock them up each time their womb becomes vacated.

Again, please don't get me wrong. All children deserve to have a loving and caring mother. But what I am saying is, do all women want to be mothers? I would guess that many LDS women deep down inside really don't want to. Who can blame them? I surely wouldn't want to push a screaming infant out of a tiny hole in my body!

The reason I even brought this up is because I know an LDS woman who "want's to be a mother". She has been promised by her priesthood leaders that she will have many healthy children to the lord.

The problem is that this woman has a genetic disease and her kids are doomed to have it too. She currently has one child, who, of course, has the disease too. Now this mother, who "want's to be a mother" so badly, can hardly stand to take care of her child. As soon as her husband gets home from work, she shoves the baby on him and goes and takes a nap. Husband, who is hungry and tired from work, has to cook his own dinner, do his own laundry, and take care of the baby until he leaves at the crack of dawn to go back to work.

It's a bad situation. This mother is so inadequate and yet she is banking on her promise of many children. So even though her children are doomed to get her disease, she boldly (and faithfully) proclaims that she wants more. And yet her condition hardly allows her to take care of the one she already has.

You can't really blame her though. She has just been dooped by her "true church" and is trying to do what "god" wants. She is not physically or mentally strong enough to have children. But if she does not have children, her LDS life will have no purpose. She will be a failure. She might not make the Celestial Kingdom.

So all LDS girls proudly claim that they want to be a mother. Some really do and are great mothers. That's awesome! But some do not and should not be coersed into it like this LDS woman I know.

Thanks to the LDS church, this woman's life is meaningless and pointless. That's a damn shame because she is a very nice girl. She has many other good qualities that she could use. But unfortunately, none of that matters because she cannot have healthy children. An infertile LDS woman is a waste of space and flesh. Sad...

The Mormon Schedule

Before you are even born, if you are born into a Mormon family, your life has already been planned out for you.
  • When you are an infant, you will receive a blessing.
  • When you are eight years old, you will be baptized.
  • When you are nineteen, you will go on a two-year mission.
  • As soon as you return from your mission, you will immediately find your eternal companion.
  • You will start pumping out children as fast as you are physically able.
  • (Somewhere in here, if you're lucky, you will get an education; but that is secondary in the lords eyes. Your number one priority is to pump out those LDS babies.)
  • You will teach your children all about the church.
  • You endure to the end.
  • You die.
Just follow the schedule and obey the 101 commandments and your salvation is guaranteed.

Friday, May 2, 2008

The Fruits of Mormonism - Liars

I've talked about this many times and I would like to share a current example.

I've got a brother who smokes. I now have the belief that to each their own... if he wants to smoke, then let him smoke. The thing about it though, is that he just called me tonight to tell me that he is going to the temple to do baptisms for the dead.

Now I know that each youth who attends and participates in this sacred ceremony is interviewed by the bishop prior to the trip and each is given a temporary temple recommend. It is only valid for holy dunkings.

In order for my brother to be able to go on this trip is to lie to the bishop when asked if he obeys the word of wisdom.

It all goes back to the emperor's new clothes. If he doesn't go, then everyone will think he's done something wrong. So the only recourse is to lie about it and hope it slips past the bishop's keen sense of discernment (which it somehow always does).

Mormonism produces liars. That's just the nature of the beast. Think of a circular pattern...

1. LDS person sins but is afraid to confess the sin
2. LDS person is interviewed by the bishop
3a. LDS person confesses and is punished by the bishop and everyone knows he sinned.
3b. LDS person lies to the bishop and everyone thinks they are great and righteous.

It is a fundamental law of nature for all things, living and non-living, to take the path of least resistance. Which of the two, 3a or 3b, is the easier path to take?

4. "Gosh that was easy. I can sin again and just fib about it". (return to step 1)

Mormonism produces liars, hypocrites, and judgemental fools.

Your apostate...

Thursday, May 1, 2008

My Two Cents of the Day

Mormon doctrine teaches that anyone who has been taught the "truth" and then rejected it, like me, will not have any mercy from god and judgement day. We are worse than the heathens in the outside world because at least they are sinning in ignorance. We are openly rebelling against the true kindgom of god and it would be better for us if we were never born!

Not only that, but we "leave the church but can't leave the church alone." This is a phrase you will often hear a TBM whine. They don't understand why we can't leave the church and then just be quiet about it. Um, maybe it's because the church is a fraud and we are trying to tell the world about it. Besides, they don't leave the world alone. They send out their 50,000 missionaries to knock on doors and tell every one that their religion is wrong. I guess it's okay for them to spread their pro-Mormon propaganda but it's not okay for someone to voice their opinion against it.

That only goes to show what the world would be like if Mormons were in charge. The right to free speech would no longer exist. They claim they are all about free agency but when it comes right down to it, they believe it is okay to force a person into compliance. Take the liquor laws in Utah, for example. A drinker in Utah has to buy a membership into any bar (so the state can keep track of everyone who puts that evil, vile drink into their bodies). Then he has to drink a ton in order to get his buzz because the state limits the amount of alcohol that each drink contains.

The church claims they do not get involved in politics. BULL SHIT! The Mormon church runs the state of Utah.

Didn't Satan supposedly propose the plan whereby all would be forced to obey?

Your apostate...