Thursday, July 31, 2008

My Mini Pilgrimage

Thursday, 11:00 PM, I leave the house and walk 2 1/2 blocks to my local ward church house. However my intention is not to worship...

Earlier that day I had been reading some ex-mormon stories online and one comment stuck out to me. This author was wondering, why do TBM's treat us apostates as if we had urinated in their baptismal font?

... My intention is to take a huge wizz all over the side of the church house.

I'm slightly nervous as getting caught doing such a thing will probably be a misdemeanor. I am determined, but if I have to abort, I'll just do it some other night.

I put on a hat and some dark colored clothes. I wear shorts and sandals so as not to appear too suspicious. I casually walk down the sidewalk. If anyone questions me, I can just say I'm going on a walk, which technically is true.

As I approach the church, I am disappointed to find that it is well lit. My only advantage is the fact that it is a relatively dark night. On the north-east corner of the building is a large bush; the perfect place to do my deed. The north side of the building is on a quiet street and the lights are minimal. The bush is only about 10 feet from the sidewalk. This is the right place.

I walk along the sidewalk until I'm just across from my bush. I quickly walk the 10 or so feet and duck behind the bush. I'm now standing right next to the building with perfect cover.

The sprinklers have just turned off so everything is already wet. Perfect. I proceed to accomplish my mission. I've never taken a piss that felt so damn good!

That being taken care of, all I need to do is get off the property and walk home. As I resume my walk with the sidewalk, I approach the west side of the building. There are two cop cars parked there in the parking lot. They are oblivious to the desecration that just took place.

I circle the block and head home. As I am passing the building on the other side, heading toward the east side of the building, another cop car pulls into the parking lot on the opposite side as the other two. Are they looking for me? I highly doubt it. My deed was quick and quiet. They are probably going through their routine of the night.

I walk the distance home, taking a different route. No one bothers me. Mission accomplished. I have succeeded in taking a leak on the side of the house of the lord. Funny, that all knowing god doesn't seem to have a clue!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Jesus, Buddah, or a Rock... Which Can Save You?

I was having a discussion with my TBM wife the other day. We were talking about religion, of course. We were driving and I asked her, "If I pray to Jesus to help us travel safely, and we make it to our destination safely, does that prove that Jesus answered my prayer?"

I fully expected her to say no.

But when she answered yes, I realized that I needed to rephrase the question.

"If I pray to Buddah to help us travel safely, and we do, does that prove that Buddah answered my prayer?"

Now she starts with the mental gymnastics.

"It's all about faith".

"I know it is... believe it just because I told you so."

How about this one!

What if I pray to a rock to help us travel safely, and we do, does that mean the rock answered my prayer?

What if I pray for safety and end up getting in a car wreck? Does that mean Jesus just told me "Fuck you"?

What does it all mean???


Wednesday, July 16, 2008

A Prophesy Revealed

Joseph Smith made a great prophecy in 1842, the Rocky Mountain prophecy, by predicting the Mormons would come to the Rocky Mountains and become a mighty people. Church historian Dean Jessee produced the original manuscript from History of the Church showing the authorship was in 1845, after Smith's death. Then years later, after the Saints were in Utah, someone penciled "Rocky Mountains" into the document; Jessee was chastised for revealing this historical tidbit.

Thursday, July 3, 2008


I have added a new quote on the side bar:

"Too many Mormons are leaving the LDS church only to end up in some other Christian religion. This is like jumping out of the frying pan and into the fire."