Sunday, March 29, 2015

A Prisoner

I have an interesting and sad story to share.  And it's all 100% true.

I'm a single guy and I have "needs" just like any other guy.  So I posted a listing online looking for a playmate with the potential for a long term relationship.

One girl from Idaho responded - those Idaho girls are so naughty!  She was LDS and horny as hell.  She frequently sent me naked pictures and talked about all the naughty things she would do to me. We never met in person and all of our correspondence was done via texting.

Of course, me being me, - not trying to be a dick but really wanting to understand - I asked her how she justified her actions, with her LDS belief that any type of sexual activity is immoral.  She kind of blew off the question, just stating that no one is perfect and that's what the atonement is for.

Ok, her attitude about that is certainly different than mine was.  You don't plan to sin.  If it happens, you repent.  But if you actively put energy, money, thoughts, and actions into your plan, that just seems hypocritical.

So, of course, that lead to many religious discussions.  As any typical believer, she refused to see any type of reason and just clung to her "I know it" defense.  All the while, she was very interested in my experiences with other girls, and telling me some of hers with other men.  She was a virgin.  The most she had ever done was make out and do some petting (petting is a Mormon term for "touching each other's privates").  This, of course, is also forbidden by the Mormon church.

Our religious discussions continued, although I wouldn't really call them discussions.  It was more like me asking questions, making statements, and her on the continual defense.  I figured if she didn't want to talk about it, then she'd stop talking about it.  I pointed out things like:
  1. If you have the truth, then there is no harm in questioning.
  2. We are both atheists; I just take it one god further than you do.
  3. Reality and common sense are beautiful (she claimed her views were common sense).
  4. And more.
Maybe I pushed a little harder than I should have.  She claimed to love and believe the gospel but then would want to turn around and talk about sex.  I saw inside her a deep struggle.  She was weighing her personal beliefs against her human desires.  I saw a person in anguish who wanted so desperately to be free but was terrified to walk out of the prison door.  So I was simply attempting to share my "enlightenment" with her.

She shared with me a story where she had met another guy recently and he had basically raped her with a sex toy.  Of course, feeling awful about this for both the trauma of the event and the sin aspect of it, she received a priesthood blessing.  Other than telling me, this was her little secret to add to the stash of secrets that she and most Mormons hide and carry around with them.

This blessing convinced her to be a good girl.  No more naughty texting.  No more meeting random dudes from the internet.  In one of our religious discussions, I pointed out that a blessing is nothing more than a fortune teller.  She responded that, no, it isn't because only a blessing could make her feel this good for this long. I disagree.  People pay hundreds and thousands of dollars to fortune tellers.  They wouldn't do that if it didn't make them feel good.  But I digress.

In the end, she chose to remain in her prison and end our friendship.  At one point she actually called me "spawn of Satan", accused me of "living in a hole", and told me that I was miserable and unhappy.  Of course, I told her that she was a mental prisoner and a slave of a cult.  Tit for tat, I guess.

She was so close to taking that scary step outside, and yet so far away.  I don't think she'll ever get out.  Her cognitive dissonance (when the mind is presented with two opposing ideas) was very strong.  But religion won out.  It almost always does.  It has such a strong hold on people's minds.  She wasn't ready to be set free.

It's like what Morpheus says to Neo in The Matrix movie: "I can only show you the door.  You're the one that has to walk through it."  I showed her the door.  She chose her prison.  Sad.  But it's her life, her choice.  I hope she finds her happiness but I doubt she ever will.  She will go to church all her life wearing a fake smile to hide the myriad of secrets that she has buried deep within.  This is what religion does to people.

"The best way to keep a people enslaved is to make them believe they are free."