Wednesday, April 21, 2010

God's Checklist

The Agnostics Wife posted a YouTube video on her blog. I just got done watching it and I think that every Christian needs to see this.

After you watch the video, I suggest that you browse through her blog. She is an ex-Christian who finally saw the real truth.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

What Really Happened When the Earth Was Created

Mormons believe that Jesus actually created the world under Gods direction. Here is how that conversation might have played out:

God: "Hey, Jez. Come here."

Jesus: "Yo, whaddup, dad."

God: "I have this great idea. You know how me and all of my wives have produced billions and billions of spiritual babes... well, the house is kinda full and I need to get them out of here."

Jesus: "You made the problem. Now deal with it."

God: "You have to create another world where I can send all these whiny kids!"

Jesus: "You're so lazy, dad. Why don't you do it yourself?"

God: "I would, but I'm stuck babysitting all the time. I really need your help."

Jesus: "Fine, I'll do it."

God: "Great! Here's what I want you to do.... I want you to create the earth in periods. Then when the earth is all ready, we will put man and he will finally be out of the house. Now listen carefully, because this next part is a little complicated..."

Jesus, under his breath: "You always complicate things."

God: "Once man is on the earth, we will test him to see if he is worthy to come back to heaven. So what I'll do is give him a set of commandments. But the catch is that in order to keep one commandment, he'll have to break another."

Jesus: "That's just cruel."

God: "I'll command him to have kids, and I'll make it really fun so that he'll make lots of them. But the only way he can have kids is by eating this fruit that I'll put there. Then I'll command him not to eat the fruit! No matter what, he is breaking a commandment and I'll declare that he is unworthy to return to heaven! That way, all these little brats will finally be out of here!"

Jesus: "Oh my god (no pun intended), God, you really have a sick sense of humor."

God: "And to make sure that hardly any of them make it back, I'll give them this book that is complicated as hell and impossible to understand and intrepret. That way, they will all have a million different beliefs and I can declare them unworthy. But just to be sure, we'll give them a whole ton of additional commandments. If they disobey any, then we'll just kill them and send them to hell."

Jesus: "Anything else?"

God: "Yes, to make them doubt the book and me, why don't you put a whole bunch of dinosaur skeletons everywhere. We will put a whole ton of evidence all over the earth that the book is false. That way, we can weed out even more of the elect. Then, to finish it off, I'll send this guy and name him Darwin. He will confuse the living crap out of everyone and that should just about do the trick."

Jesus: "You are really a sick, demented bastard!"

God: "Just wait and see. I can't wait until I get to drown them all."

For God So Loved the World...

I've put a thought of mine on the side bar:

"For god was such a cowardly chicken shit, that he had to send someone else to do the hard stuff."

This is, of course, making a mockery of John 3:16 that Christians and billboard everywhere love to quote:

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

For a long time, I've had a problem with this statement.

WTF, God, you loved the world...

...when you drowned them all?

I don't understand this god at all. One minute he's drowning everybody; the next minute he loves them so much that he sent his son.

He sent his son? Why didn't the chicken shit go himself? I can just see how this conversation might have played out...

God: "Jesus! Come here a minute. I need to speak with you."

Jesus: "Wazzup?"

God: "I've got this really important thing for you to do."

Jesus: "Cool, what is it?"

God: "Well, um, uhh, how do I say it? I need you to go to earth."

Jesus: "No problem, pop."

God: "Well, there's more. I need you to uh... I need you to... die."

Jesus: "WTF, dad. No way, send someone else."

God: "The only way the plan will work is if someone is a willing sacrifice."

Jesus: "That's just fucked up! Why me? It's your plan; why don't you do it?"

God: "Do it for all your spiritual brothers and sisters who will go to to hell if you don't."

Jesus: "Is that part of your plan too? You create hell and then throw everyone in who doesn't kiss your ass?"

God: "You'll be in hell too if you don't do what I tell you."

Jesus: "Is that seriously the best plan you have?"

God: "That's it!"

Jesus: "This really fucking sucks. So, all I have to do is die?"

God: "Actually, no. You need to suffer a whole ton, get your ass whipped, and then die!"

Jesus: "Are you fucking serious? Your great plan to save everyone is to have your favorite son brutally whipped and murdered?"

God: "Can you think of something better?"

Jesus: "Hell yea, I can! How about we send them to earth and then judge them based upon the..."

God: "That's enough. I've already put too much into this plan to trash it and start over now."

Jesus: "So, die or go to hell. Those are my choices."

God: "You got it."

Jesus: "Fine, I'll go, but I want in... 50 - 50."

God: "What?"

Jesus: "I want to be a god too, or no deal."

God: "Fine."

Jesus: "I still don't understand why you don't just go yourself."

God: "Because it is really, really going to suck."

Jesus, muttering to himself: "I don't know why this jackass can't come up with something a little less barbaric. He's an all knowing god and all he can really do is just slaughter people."

God: "What was that?"

Jesus: "Nothing, pop. I'm going to go and pack."

A Mormon Bishop / Pedophile

Follow this link to read all about this perverted bishop and his affair with a 15 year old!

Hopefully, this story will cast some doubt on the supposed "inspired" callings that Mormons believe in. God must have wanted a child molester to be the bishop!

Read and judge for yourself.

Saturday, April 3, 2010

A Naked Woman and an Apple

This, right here, is the reason why there is so much evil, wickedness, suffering, and bad in the world.