Sunday, June 1, 2008

God's Top Priority: Sex For Joseph Smith

ORIGINAL AUTHOR: Deconstructor

According to Joseph Smith, God kept sending an angel with a sword to command him to secretly marry more women. This angelic visitor appeared and literally threatened Joseph Smith's life on at least a half-dozen occasions.

At least that is what he told the women. (Remember the scene from Blazing Saddles where the Sheriff threatens himself with a gun?)

The Prophet's repeated testimony regarding this visiting angel is more consistent than his stories about the First Vision.

Mormons should recognize an important message from the Prophet Joseph Smith's experiences with the Angel.


What a shame God didn't send an angel with a sword to straighten Smith out on these other occasions:

  • No angel tried to stop him ordaining blacks to the priesthood
  • No angel corrected him for writing contradictory versions of the First Vision story
  • No angel coerced him into not ordering the destruction of the Nauvoo expositor press
  • No angel tried to stop him from ordering the Danites to kill Governor Boggs
  • No angel corrected him for repeatedly saying that Native Americans are Lamanites.
  • No angel warned him to stop having sex with his adopted daughters
  • No angel warned him not to claim he had accurately translated Egyptian
  • No angel came to tell him what happened to the lost 116 pages
  • No angel stopped him from committing bank fraud
  • No angel stopped him from trying to sell the copyright to the Book of Mormon
  • No angel told him to take naked touching out of the endowment ceremony (that didn't happen until Jan 2005)
  • No angel tried to stop him from using a gun at Carthage to kill two men, thus preventing him from dying like an innocent martyr
  • No angel chastised him from declaring he was greater than Jesus Christ.
Nope. Angelic messengers were complete no-shows, except for when Smith supposedly didn't want to seduce teenagers and other men's wives, and then WALA, A MIRACLE! The Lord sends His angel to force Smith into secret adultery!

What kind of God do Mormons worship?

1 comment:

Ray Agostini said...

No angel tried to stop him ordaining blacks to the priesthood

I'd say, too, no angel inspired Elder Mark Petersen's derogatory comments on Blacks in 1954. He was, obviously, "speaking as a man", one with prejudices that would make the KKK look like ice-cream vendors. Why? Because he was "speaking" in the "name of the Lord". He was an apostle, and a "special witness for Christ". Verily, is this what Christ would have wanted?