Friday, October 12, 2007

Am I Helping Anyone?

If anyone out there is reading this blog and my thoughts about Mormonism and Christianity, I invite you to email me or leave comments. If you're Mormon and want to defend your faith, that's just fine. If you are Mormon and are doubting your faith, let's talk. If you're never-mo or ex-mo, I welcome your thoughts as well.

This blog is more for me so I can organize my thoughts and get them out in the open. Upon my discovery that I no longer believe in the LDS religion, I have also come to realize that I am free to say what's on my mind. It's okay to doubt. If you're Mormon, it's not okay to doubt. It's not okay to ask difficult questions. The only thing it is okay to do, if you're Mormon, is pray, pay and obey. I just can't do that.

I can't pray to a god I can't see. There is no evidence at all that shows that prayer has any real effects anyway.

I can't pay tithing to such a deceptive church. Especially since they threaten me with hell and damnation if I do not. The LDS church, contrary to what they claim, rules with fear. They keep their members inline with fear of damnation.

I can't obey, just because they said so. If god comes flying down out of heaven and tells me his will, I will obey until I breathe my last breath. But until then, if god doesn't reveal himself to me in a way that is undisputable, I must assume I am meant to find my own path.

Seriously, if you are Mormon and are doubting, it's okay. You are doubting because your brain is working. Your leaders will tell you that you are doubing because you haven't prayed enough, payed enough, or obeyed enough. If you only follow out of sheer fear of fire and damnation, I can only assure you that your leaders are simply trying to scare you into paying and obeying. I have completely lost all that fear. I realize now that there is no heaven; there is no hell; there is no devil; there is no god. I am not entirely rejecting the possibility of a supreme being, but if there is such a being, he certainly is silent.

One would think that rejecting a belief in god would be difficult and depressing, but it is surprisingly liberating. I now have confidence that I am smart enough to make my own decisions. I don't have to consult a silent god who lives on a planet 100 million miles away. I don't have to seek his approval for anything. I am an adult and I am free to make my own choices and pay the natural consequences for them.

In no way, will I ever hold myself accountable to some bishop ever again. My personal life is absolutely none of his business. If god knows everything, and bishops have the power of discernment, why do they need to drag me into the bishop's office and ask me all sorts of personal questions?

I feel absolutely no shame or guilt. I am what I am and I am not ashamed of it. Words really can't express how free I feel. Maybe there are words and I am just bad at expressing them.
Who knows? But I do know that I have never been more happy or self confident than I have been since I left the church.

I write these words in the hope that they will inspire someone to rethink the religion they were born into and brainwashed with. There are other ways to happiness besides Mormonism. Much better ways! I just hope that if someone reading these words feels that something isn't quite right, then I'll offer you the red pill and we'll see just how far the rabbit hole goes.

Looking forward to any comments that anyone would care to leave.

Just another evil apostate...


T said...

I wanted to tell you that I enjoy your blog. I don't agree with everything, and it does sound to me that you have a bit of an axe to grind, but i like to see the other side of the coin. I personaly hate the "church" but it is my culture. Hard to just walk away from it- I'm sure my wife would have me in the bishops office tonight if she knew i read your blog- so I will just keep it our little secret. Please keep it up, I feel you know what i might be going through!

Just another evil apostate... said...

Hi "T"

Cool, I'm glad you enjoy the blog. Please stick around as I have lots more to say.

Yea, the church is my culture too. I was born into it and I live right in the middle of Salt Lake City.

I feel you totally. As far as most of my local ward members are concerned, I'm just inactive. If they knew I was an apostate at heart and openly blogging my feelings, I'm sure they'd try to get me into the office too. Of course, I'd refuse to go. I no longer recognize their authority over me.

I take it that you're still "active". I mean attending church because you have to, not because you want to.

So please stick around. If you want to discuss the things you disagree with, that's totally fine with me.

Good luck to you.

-T said...

I noticed you mentioned that I said you had an axe to grind- I still stick by that- I have one to grind too, It wasn't meant in a bad way really.

Active? kinda- I do one hour a maybe every other week to be with my son. I can't really say too much negitive about the church because it really does somehow make my wife very happy. for her it is real. I can't tell her that something that works for her is a bad thing. truth is, sometimes i'm a bit jealous- If it made me as happy as it made her, my life would be easier. I guess it is just not to be. ignorance is bliss I guess- and I am no longer ignorant to what my mind is telling me.

I was asked last week by the EQP if I would teach a CPR class in the future. We had a nice little discussion but of course he had to throw in the little invite at the end. (just doing his job) at least he didn't push. I don't hate the people in the church,I just hate the way they treat me, but again, maybe they too are just doing their jobs! Sad thought really. Hmmmmm

Just another evil apostate... said...

Don't worry about it... no offense here.

There are some people who truly love the church, and to them I say, enjoy away. If they are happy in the church, then I am happy for them. It's definitely not for me, but to each his own.

The people in my local ward are nice as well, and personally, I like them. I just don't like it when they start getting churchy and inviting me to come back. I know where the church is and when I'm ready (which will never be) I will go back.