I figured that since I have a time machine, I might as well use it as much as I can so I went back in time to 1820 and hid a video camera in the sacred grove.
What I am about to share is all documented as I have it on video!
Some time in early spring, on a beautiful, clear day, a 14-year old boy comes into view. He is carrying a bag. As he looks around, finding himself alone, he opens the bag and pulls out the newest edition of Palmyra Penthouse.
As he flips through the lascivious pages with one hand, he begins whacking off with the other hand. He especially likes one pretty angel. "What a vision!" he says as he eyes her naked form on the page. It's the first time he has ever seen anything like this.
Just as the son reaches overhead and shines through a open spot in the leaves, showering him in a ray of sunshine, he climaxes crying out, "Oh, god! Oh, god! Oh, Jesus!"
Although it is indistinct, he appears to be heard saying, "No church is true if they won't let you look at this stuff. I'm going to start my own."
He falls to the ground and for a long time he just lays on his back, looking up into heaven. He has just had a pretty wild experience!
As caught on film, this event is confirmed to have happened on many different occassions since.
Doesn't this make a lot more sense? I mean, when you were 14, were you obsessed with church?
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